17.8.08

::: The Breakdown :::







So... they say that when you do this. This kind of cleanse.
There is a breaking point, a point where you feel like....
everything is falling apart.
You'll hit massive obstacles, you'll hit a barrier; the wall.


That breaking point happened, tonight.
During a full moon eclipse and a breath taking lightning storm.
Lit up the sky with yellow...white...green... all colors of heat.
All humid, sticky on my skin decay of humanity.

~

After my run(usually 3-5 miles a day), I decided to go
for a "thought drive"... in the forest, really...
when there is a full moon; there is no better place to go.
On my way there... sped up a little bit too much...
small town cops watch me @ 2am, and have nothing better to do.
Especially the Oregon type. They love to grind it in.


{ long story not worth getting into }


But now my life is in utter upheaval, once again.
How much more? How many more times??

I arrive home, from the stinky smoke-filled cab driver;
who was a delight to converse with. Really, he was special..
in so many ways...
Ran his own cab company, worked 24 hours a day.
I love finding those... spots, those pieces with strangers.. & someone
you'll never see again, but you have these moments with them,
that last a lifetime.

I had that. I love that.



I arrive home to my mother totally sprawled out drunk...


I could really get into the emotional trials that this is taking me thru.
I could write novels upon novels about it.










...
But I will sum it up with my enema experience:


Pain. Crying... bawling...Pain.
My "worry" section, and "heart" section in my colon
were totally blocked up. I could feel it.

And all I can do is...
lay my hands on my stomach, and say "thank you".
I say thank you.



And all that pours out of me is black..
And all that pours out of me is... black.





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