31.8.08

Day 31:

Aug. 31st consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



300 ml. -
banana/blackberry blend

500 ml. -
Homemade (raw) Gazpacho!


500 ml. -
cucumber/tomato/parsley/cilantro/Vitamineral Greens juice
with lemon juice.


500 ml. -
More Gazpacho..



~~~


Thoughts:


So, for the past several days, and a few times before that...
I had really intense cravings for tomatoes and garlic!!
My body is definitely craving natural sodium and sulfur rich things..
(since herbs have been very satisfying lately).
So, I gave it what it asked for. ;)

And it tastes amaaaaaazing.



Also... I have always wondered... why do they cook Gazpacho
when it is served cold??
I do not understand this.

.


Today I made(for my mother, not myself):

- Tofu Salad

- Salsa & Gazpacho


- Mixed greens salad with chopped cucumber,
tomato, avocado, raw hemp oil, lemon juice&
seasoning topped with baked tofu slices.


-Eggplant Parmesan:
Eggplant slices sauteed in garlic & onion extra virgin olive oil.
Topped with homemade marinara sauce, garlic & herbs,
bread crumbs; mozzarella(very little...I tried to make it
very healthy), layered and topped with parmesan.


-Eggplant Cilantro toss:
Sauteed seasoned eggplant, tossed with pesto
and freshly chopped tomato. Minced cilantro added,
with some marinara sauce.
(I just tossed this together, to be eaten like a salad of sorts...)




I made up all the recipes I made today.
A lot of it was my first time making some things...
my mother LOVES eggplant, she also loves convenience.
So, I've been trying to be a lovely daughter chef and
make her everything she desires, as vegan and
as healthy as possible. :)
Always with organic ingredients, of course.


I'm such a little chef ;D

I love making food for others. Be it vegetarian or vegan,
cooked or raw. I love it all. I love to create.
Give me anything, and I will make something with it.



...



Also, today I ordered:
Organic Tahitian Grade A Vanilla Beans
Maca (raw, certified organic) Powder
BarleyMax Powder
Pure Radiance C Powder



I LOVE Vanilla bean. Ani got me hooked on them several years ago.
They are a wonderous food... I cannot wait to add them to my smoothies ^_^

I haven't consumed Maca in many months... I use to have it regularly.
The Daily Grind closed, and I ended up not having much of
a source for it, other than online.

I am also going to go purchase more bee pollen tomorrow...





~~~



"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease" ~Voltaire






Day 30:

Aug. 30th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1150 ml. -
cucumber juice
7 leaves dino kale
3 handfuls mesclun greens
lemon juice
2 tsp. Vitamineral Greens
1 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blackberries
1 banana


800 ml. -
filtered water
spinach/green lettuce/chard mixed greens
lime juice
2 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1 mango
frozen blackberries
1 banana



3 blended peaches (late night again)


~~~




Thoughts:


Did you know that when you add citrus to greens it enhances
your bodies ability to absorb the nutrients?
Especially iron & Vitamin C. :)


~~~


"Ability is sexless." ~Christabel Pankhurst






30.8.08

Day 29:

Aug. 29th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



1200 ml. -
filtered water
few leaves green lettuce
3/4 bunch spinach
1/2 cucumber
2 tsp. Vitamineral Greens
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blackberries
1 banana


1000 ml. -
cucumber juice
1/2 bag herb mesclun mix
1 leaf curly kale
1 tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 mango
frozen blackberries
1/2 banana


300 ml. -
pineapple juice


Blended mango & banana (late night. ugh..hah)

;P




~~~




Thoughts:


You know... it is not living the dream that is the difficult part in life.
It's pushing yourself creatively while you do it.
Pushing your limits, expanding your thresholds.


I've always pursued my passion. I've always done what I wanted to do.
But... manifesting on a global level? out in the open for everyone to see?
Is that really the sacred space we all need??



Or in this world of such rampant consumers...
does that not make us expendable?
do we hold it in to protect ourselves?








~~~

"What lies behind us and what lies
before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson



'The true mystery of the world is
the visible, not the invisible."
~Oscar Wilde

"Life shrinks or expands in
proportion to one's courage."
~Anis Nin


28.8.08

Day 28:

Aug. 28th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)




500 ml. -
blended red grapes with water


3 liters water with fresh lemon


~~~


Thoughts:



So, I decided I was going to get a dragonfruit today..
(until I found out it was $15.00 non-organic)
when I decided not to get it.. the cashier that was going
to take it back, made a comment about thinking it was an aphrodisiac?
I just smiled.. but, apparently.. his supervisor
thought this was some kind of sexual advance on me,
and she ended up suspending him over it!! :O
He comes over to me, as I was reading the new 'Discover' magazine...
tells me what happened... calls the supervisor over, starts freaking out..
then, the cops show up! :O


So, apparently, this guy lost his job.....
all over the ONE dragonfruit that I ended up not purchasing...





Wow, this planet is weird.



~~~


Those grapes messed me up... again, I don't think I'll be having
them again, ever. Hybrid fruits = evil!

Haven't been 'hungry'... been sleeping a lot.
Creating A LOT. Holy crap.
I feel like a beaming light of creativity.



I find that...
Lesson #1 in creative output:

Control your influences.



~~~

"Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
God and devil are fighting there, and the battlefield is the heart of man.
"



"Man only likes to count his troubles, but he does not count his joys."



"
To live without Hope is to Cease to live. "

~Fyodor Dostoevsky

27.8.08

Day 27:

Aug. 27th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



1000 ml. -
filtered water
few leaves basil
6 leaves dino kale
3 handfuls herb mesclun mix
1 lemon cucumber(grown in my own little garden!!! :D)
1/2 cucumber
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen peaches
frozen blackberries



750 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 cucumber
3/4 head green lettuce
some carrot greens
1 tsp. Manitoba Hemp oil (sitting well with me for some reason...)
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blackberries
frozen peaches


500 ml. -
apple/cucumber/basil juice
(amaaaaazing!)



~~~

Thoughts:


I've been reading thru a lot of the old Anne Sexton I love...
God, I love literature. Sometimes I feel like I've read it all...
(which isn't true), but... yes, again and again.
Good poetry. Good vision.


A thought went thru my mind today... about global recognition.
Meaning, community building.
Wondering what it would be like...
to recognize every single person you see every single day??

Interesting concept I think...






~~~



"Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who
inhabit the body lack. We give it orders which make no sense.
"


"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things. "


"The one thing we can never get enough of is love.
And the one thing we never give enough is love.
"


~ Henry Miller


Day 26:

Aug. 26th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



1000 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 bunch green chard
1 leaf dino kale
2 heaping tsp. Spirulina
1 tsp. Manitoba Harvest Hemp oil
frozen peaches
1/2 massive banana
small piece ginger root


700 ml. -
cucumber/romaine juice
1/2 head romaine lettuce
1 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blackberries
1/2 massive banana


Blended-
cucumber/romaine(500 ml) juice
1 mango
frozen blackberries
1/2 bunch green chard


500 ml. -
cucumber water


~~~


Thoughts:

Bought some basil at the market...mmmmm..it smells AMAZING.
I can't wait to make a basil/cucumber/apple juice with it.
I love fresh herbs.



A lot of debris getting stuck in my 'heart' section in my colon
right now... :(


~~



detox update,
bacteria on my tongue cleared up today.

I've been experiencing that "fuzzy teeth" thing,
so I've been compulsively brushing my teeth for the past week or two.





"We are what we repeatedly do." ~Aristotle

26.8.08

Our Colon Connection

The benefits of colon hydrotherapy are many:

- It cleans and tones the colon in a gentle way
using purified water, unlike harsh laxatives which
irritate and damage the colon.

- It speeds up weight loss and detoxification.
The colon is your largest organ of elimination.
Weight loss results are enhanced by having a colonic treatment.
According to Niamh “there is no point in detoxing
your liver or trying to lose weight if your colon
is not eliminating properly. We store toxins in our fat
which are released as we are losing weight. If there is
no exit channel out of the body where do you think those
wastes go? It’s no wonder people feel irritated and anxious
when losing weight. Their bodies are flooded with toxins!”

- It improves skin condition. Our skin condition is a reflection
of the health of our colon. Niamh says “one of the colons function
is to absorb water into the bloodstream, if the colon is blocked
with dehydrated stool this absorption is reduced resulting in
dry dehydrated skin. My customers glow after a few treatments
and this lasts much longer than any facial”.

- In Chinese medicine we hold our emotions in the colon, colon
hydrotherapy helps us to release pent up emotions and move on.
Niamh agrees with this “I have seen so many people let go of
past negative emotions or have the strength to make changes in
their lives that they may have been contemplating for years.
It gives people a clean slate feeling. Unfortunately this means
many of my customers are now living in New Zealand or Australia!”

- It generates a feeling of lightness, happiness and increases
energy in the healthy.

- The colon either directly or indirectly touches every part of
the body except the brain. Reducing the size of the colon by
cleansing reduces the pressure on all the other body organs,
allowing them to function better.





____________________________________

Emotions and Disease.

Is your sickness related to your emotions??

http://www.squidoo.com/organemotions


_____________________________________


The large intestine has more nerve endings, neuron pathways
than the human brain. Over 80% of the seratonin(responsible
for feeling good and other positive emotions), are produced in
the colon. Nutrient absorption is done in the small intestine.

Think of depression... about how many people you know,
that just don't feel good.. but can't explain why.
My personal opinion, is that your emotions have everything to
do with your diet, as well as blockages within your small intestine;
hindering neuro-transmitter production as well as nutrient
absorption.


~~~

I remember discussing the colon with Alec(www.chakra17.com)
awhile back..and him telling me how messed up, and out of
place most colons are. How most people don't even have a
"normal" shaped colon anymore because of debri and mucous
build up.





http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=2038610

25.8.08

Day 25:

Aug. 25th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1000 ml. -
filtered water
1 head butter lettuce :D
1/2 cucumber
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blueberries/blackberries
1 banana


400 ml. -
cucumber/romaine lettuce juice
(VERY earthy.green)


800 ml. -
cucumber/apple juice
5 leaves dino kale
carrot greens(was craving carrots..
and the greens contain more nutrients)
1 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blackberries
1 banana
small piece ginger root



~~~


Thoughts:


Wow, I must say... since starting this, my life has never
fallen apart so much in such a small period of time.
Is the universe really just testing me like crazy???
Seeing if I will faulter??


Maybe it wants me to challenge myself more and
lose the blends. hmmm..... I think that might be it.
I do feel better on all juice.




And everytime there in an emotional shift in my life....
the rain comes back....
the rain is back. :(


.... Also,

I often find, that people would rather fall into addiction,
than truly live. They would rather repeat a cycle.
Do something familiar, than something new.

They would rather repeat old thoughts, habits, and life cycles...
than trust their souls desire...



I will break all addiction in this lifetime.
I will fully manifest.
And breaking down your addictions and your ego,
are major factors in that process...




~~~


"What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."



"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?"



"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached,
don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
"


~Confucius

Day 24:

Aug. 24th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1000 ml. -
filtered water
3 leaves dino kale
3/4 head romaine lettuce
lime juice
1 heaping tsp. Spirulina
frozen berries mix
1 banana



Blackberries blended with bananas.


Lots of cold water with lime juice today.



~~~

Thoughts:


Went to the farmers market, man....
lots of more negative thoughts going on lately.
I feel extremely critical of others. ack. not me.




I know it's just waste being released in my system.
Because after I engage in lovely colon hydrotherapy, I feel AMAZING.
So, just getting the old stuff out....



Getting it all out.

:D


~~~


"He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger." ~Confucius




"
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." ~Confucius







23.8.08

Day 23:

Aug. 23rd consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


500 ml. -
Grapefruit/Orange juice :D
(I just blended it with water instead of fresh squeezing)


cucumber water

1000 ml. -
filtered water
3 leaves dino kale
1/2 huge romaine lettuce head
3 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blueberries/blackberries
juice from few slices orange
1 banana



3 blended peaches/banana with water.






~~~


Thoughts:


I'm getting more Vitamineral Greens today !!!!
:D


~~~


Are we really the emotional sum of everything we've ever eaten??

Because sometimes, I think that's true.
Actually, within my being, I know it is.

What is our emotional capacity if we get it all out??
If we love ourselves, and remove the waste of the past??
I know... fully cleaning out, is an illusion.

The body will always go thru cycles of detox and retoxification...
But, what if there is a moment...
a moment in time when...

We are our birth.
We are pre-birth...
We are the emotion before emotion was ever felt in the womb.




What is it like to be in the emotional state of pre-birth?







~~~


"Fate leads him who follows it, and drags him who resist." ~Plutarch



"What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality." ~Plutarch


[The Emotional Colon]

OMG!
I just had the most amazing colon hydrotherapy/
emotional release experience of my life!! :D
Definitely old, tar-like mucous coming out of me...
gross. I'd rather have it OUT of my system though.


Something deep seeded came out of me, I could feel it.
After it was removed, I felt HIGH, I felt AMAZING.
OMG! I cannot even describe the vibrations
that flowed threw my body....
WOW WOW WOW. This is SO freaking cool.



I can feel that I still have some things to get out,
my 'liver' section in my colon was sensitive today.
(anger) And my left lung is also alittle sore.
(sorrow... grief... definitely what I've been feeling.)



I feel freaking amazing right now though.... wow.





22.8.08

Day 22:

Aug. 22nd consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



800 ml.-
filtered water
parsley
some carrot greens
1 bunch rainbow chard
3 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1 small nectarine
frozen strawberries
1/2 gigantor banana


1000 ml. -
filtered water
4 leaves rainbow chard
3 leaves collard greens
1/2 cucumber
1 tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 fuji apple
frozen berries
1 banana





~~~


Thoughts:



So, has everyone else woken up to the fact that
when you take medication, you don't get better ??
Ever.
You just become a slave to the medication.




Who do you know, that has actually been "cured"
from an illness via mediciation? Allopathic medicine
is based on a trial and error method, fueled by money
and greedy corporations. Doctors are controlled by
insurance companies and the pharmacutical industry.



Please wake up to this fact, and realize that you do NOT
get better, when you medicate something.




~~~




"Let him that would move the world first move himself."
~Socrates





21.8.08

Day 21:

Aug. 21st consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



1000 ml. -
filtered water
5 leaves chard
1/2 head green lettuce
1 scoop Reed avocado
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
1 peach
frozen strawberries
1 banana



1000+ ml. -
cucumber juice
1/2 head red lettuce
1 tsp. Spirulina
1/2 cucumber
frozen blueberries/strawberries
1 banana


200 ml.-
cucumber juice




~~~

Thoughts:

detox update,
tongue went down yesterday... still clearing some mucous, but
nothing major. Enemas feel really good :)
Also, had to post pone colonic because of vehicle issues...
hopefully soon.




Drinking anything cold right now, especially
with it being cold and rainy outside... really just messes
with my body.


You know... doing something like this... makes
one re-realize, how much people consume.
I feel like I've been consuming WAY too much.
I really think I could live every other day on liquids..
maybe I will. hmmm...



Also, feeling an... inner loneliness.
For several days now, since the rain... I've felt very alone.
Like being around others hurts. And, I don't know...
but I do feel lonely. :/


________________________________________



Colon emotion:
Our colon is seriously....pure emotion. It absorbs everything.
Everything we consume, everything we feel.

When you start to go down the path of colon hydrotherapy...
you really start to understand the MASSIVE amounts of waste/matter
that can be inside of a person.
The massive amounts of 'emotional baggage'.
I try to be as baggage-free as possible. Always!

But constantly reacting to others emotional trials is a difficult task.
Had several good enemas tonight... I have very hard dark matter
coming out of me right now. A lot of emotional release.
And so it goes... with eating raw food...
once you think you're clean, more waste and emotion is stirred up.

But it's released to be RELEASED.
Please, understand that.


We need to release it.
We need to let it go.



And fully healing not only from past self-destructive
habits.. but from a lifetime of loving an alcoholic and a lot of
betrayal. It's hard. This is my most difficult task.

Healing.



But.... I love a challenge... ;)





~~~

"I can calculate the motions of the heavenly bodies,
but not the madness of people."

~ Sir Isaac Newton


.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." ~ Leo Tolstoy








20.8.08

Day 20:

Aug. 20th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


Cold water with lemon



1000 ml.-
cucumber juice/water
1 head red lettuce
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
frozen blueberries
1 banana


300 ml. -
cucumber juice





~~~

Thoughts:


Yum, that cucumber juice really rocks my system.
I think I will drink more.

Isn't that SO American of me?? haha,
You like something, and you want MORE. :P



..

Sometimes... I feel like such an alien in a strange place.
A strange planet, that I don't really feel apart of.
Which is ok... but it can feel lonely at times.


I have always felt very...very much on the 'outside',
for having such inner clarity.
For understanding my life, and where I need to go to
do what I need to do. I have immense clarity about myself,
and my "path".

I find over and over again, rarely others do.
They "go with the flow", instead of nurturing, pursuing,
and creating... the flow. I'd rather be the current.
I'd rather be the renegade.


Because I realize... that just because something is common
(like a cold.. like a headache..), or considered 'normal',
does not make it any less bizarre.
The pain in your life is completely dependent upon, your perception.


What is pain?
What is a ..barrier?
An obstacle?
What is a challenge?



Thinking of these things... is something vital to our existence.
We must reinvent ourselves... we must be pioneers.

-----------


A thought crossed my mind today, involving artistic expression.


Maybe I will always feel as though
I am showing small pieces.

Because what is inside, is infinite.





~~~


"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

~Albert Einstein






"Every act of creation, is at first an act of destruction"
~ Pablo Picasso

19.8.08

Day 19:

Aug. 19th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Cold water and fresh lime


750 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 romaine lettuce
3/4 bunch of spinach
1 tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 mango
frozen blueberries
small piece ginger root
(wasn't hungry..but eh...)


2 mangoes/1 banana, water blended.




~~~

Thoughts:



Ok, so I haven't had like...any desire for anything.
I just feel... satisfied. I don't know what it is.
My body isn't craving anything.
This was suppose to be a challenge!!! >:(
I just feel nourished and satisfied. Like I could do this forever.


My tongue is still slightly swollen and sore.

.
Life is very very weird right now.
I feel like I'm living on the other side of the coin...

Also, the weather has been out of control.
It went from heatwave/100 degrees
to, two days straight of heat lightning storms...
to now.... cold cold and rainy.

Make up your mind Portland!!



ugh............ no more rain :(
Everyone seems to be falling apart right now.


And, you know, as the years pass...
I'm beginning to really realize how I live.
Meaning I don't necessarily feel I was...
"built" to be in relationships... I was built to create.
I was created to create. To change the world.
To make something better of this place we all...
call home.







~~~



"Others have seen what is and asked why.
I have seen what could be and asked why not.
"
~Pablo Picasso

18.8.08

Day 18:

Aug. 18th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Cold water with fresh lemon



500 ml. -
Romaine lettuce/cucumber/lemon juice



More blended red grapes with water,
my body liked it this time :)


~~~

Thoughts:


WOW, I feel in SUCH a different space today.
Finally experiencing some physical detox
(aside from enemas) My tongue has been swollen
and definitely has a white bacteria film.(which I keep cleaning off)
It's also been pretty sore.



I remember Angela(www.rawreform.com)
mentioning something about her tongue being swollen
for a few days, and that she felt it was related to
pharmacuticals she had taken in her life.

Good!! I'm glad some of it is coming out.

Also, mucous coming out of my throat.
I use to get sore throats as a child... so I
hope this is clearing some old stuff out. Man...
I can't even think of what it would be like to 'be sick'.
It's such a foreign concept to me now... over 6 years...
I've had my "healing crisis"moment, long ago,
and now.. it's more mild detox. But deeper.

.

We are Human Beings.
We are life generators, life creators.
We create.


This is how we leave it behind...
this is how we grow, and destroy any minut
trace of self-destructive behavior.
Kill your cycles. Destroy your resistance.




You are doing this existence no good, if you aren't trying
and be the BEST person you know how to be.

To settle is to consume stagnancy and death.
Destroy all of the death inside of you!


Live! Live! Live!
Grow!


COME ALIVE!









"My will exceeds my talents."

~Edvard Munch

[Forgiveness]





Our ability to forgive... lies in our physical healing.
Our ability to heal ourselves, energetically.


"The large Intestine is said to “leave us pure and brilliant”.
Through its releasing nature it allows us let go of what is un-
needed physically, allowing us to rid our bodies of unwanted waste
materials and toxins. Yet, this organ is also connected to what we are
able to let go of emotionally. One of the positive emotions associated
with the Large intestine is forgiveness…in other words, are we able
let go of our issues and move on with forgiveness?
This is the question and suggestion that the large intestine brings
to the autumn table. If we listen to the symbolic language that our
body and soul communicate in, we can learn a great deal about
ourselves. Symbolically speaking, the large intestine holds onto our
true essence and releases impurities, helping us to let go of old,
unnecessary habits, toxic emotions, and resistances. Through it’s
action of physically releasing wastes and toxins, it represents
our capacity to let go, release, forgive, and ‘move on’ to what
is physically and emotionally more pure.


The emotional qualities associated with this season and these two
organ systems are sadness, grief, self-righteousness, strength,
courage, forgiveness, and purity.
When sadness is present in our lives it affects the health and strength
of the lungs. Conversely, when our lungs are compromised due to colds,
flu’s, chronic ailments and smoking habits, they can also generate
feelings of sadness and attachment. Similarly, when we have difficulty
letting go of things emotionally the large intestine can be affected
and present with symptoms such as constipation or pain in order
to reflect the need for letting go on many levels."





...


From the center of the atom, our ability is great.



17.8.08

Day 17:

Aug. 17th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Cold water with fresh lemon



1000 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 head romaine lettuce
1/2 enormous cucumber
1 white peach
frozen peaches


Bowl of blueberry pudding:
2 handfuls fresh blueberries/
pulses on food processor.
1 tsp. Giacomo Greens stirred in.
Topped with orange juice.
(hahah I don't know... it sounded good,
and it was good! ...in a very bizarre way.)


500 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 head crazy green lettuce,
(it looked like an octopus!...had to get it.)
1 apple(pacific queen)
1 1/2 cucumbers
1/3 Reed avocado(my favorite this year...)
juice of 1/2 an orange


(I saved over half of it...because it wasn't really "juiceable"
kind of weird, but still good.. :))


I blended up some grapes... red grapes.
They sounded AMAZING, but my tummy didn't like it... :/


~~~

Thoughts:


You know, sometimes... I think most people spend their
entire lives, trying to overcome an addiction.
I think people spend their entire lives... medicating something;
and creating more things to medicate in the process.


Please, please, do not confused "escapism" for "defense mechanism"
or a coping skill.. because it's not.
It's medicating. It's hiding.



Society runs from the truth, to hide their heads under the rock of addiction.

:/



But....only with darkness, do you see light.







Heres a pic of the beautiful little Nemo,
sleeping on my JuiceFeasting Handbook ;D



::: The Breakdown :::







So... they say that when you do this. This kind of cleanse.
There is a breaking point, a point where you feel like....
everything is falling apart.
You'll hit massive obstacles, you'll hit a barrier; the wall.


That breaking point happened, tonight.
During a full moon eclipse and a breath taking lightning storm.
Lit up the sky with yellow...white...green... all colors of heat.
All humid, sticky on my skin decay of humanity.

~

After my run(usually 3-5 miles a day), I decided to go
for a "thought drive"... in the forest, really...
when there is a full moon; there is no better place to go.
On my way there... sped up a little bit too much...
small town cops watch me @ 2am, and have nothing better to do.
Especially the Oregon type. They love to grind it in.


{ long story not worth getting into }


But now my life is in utter upheaval, once again.
How much more? How many more times??

I arrive home, from the stinky smoke-filled cab driver;
who was a delight to converse with. Really, he was special..
in so many ways...
Ran his own cab company, worked 24 hours a day.
I love finding those... spots, those pieces with strangers.. & someone
you'll never see again, but you have these moments with them,
that last a lifetime.

I had that. I love that.



I arrive home to my mother totally sprawled out drunk...


I could really get into the emotional trials that this is taking me thru.
I could write novels upon novels about it.










...
But I will sum it up with my enema experience:


Pain. Crying... bawling...Pain.
My "worry" section, and "heart" section in my colon
were totally blocked up. I could feel it.

And all I can do is...
lay my hands on my stomach, and say "thank you".
I say thank you.



And all that pours out of me is black..
And all that pours out of me is... black.





16.8.08

Day 16:

Aug. 16th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Cold water with fresh lemon


1000 ml. -
filtered water
4 leaves rainbow chard
2 handfuls baby spinach
1 heaping tsp. Green Vibrance
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 cucumber
1 handful blueberries
frozen peaches
1 banana



500 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 head romaine lettuce
1/2 cucumber
1 1/2 apples(fuji & pacific queen)
juice of 2 slices of orange.
(yummy!!)









~~~

Thoughts:


Feeling very clean today. I think my enemas are starting
to get some deep stuff out... I'm feeling the "need"
for a colonic soon. So, maybe the 20th?
I'd like to do more green juice first.


I LOVE Chakra 17. (www.chakra17.com)
It's the only one like it in the country.
It's like a bedroom/bathroom mixture in a house,
low lighting, peaceful, calm.
You lay on the bed during the entire thing,
and receive reiki energy work! I love the experience.
It's extremely healing and nurturing.

I've been deeply contemplating working as a
colon hydrotherapist ever since I got my first one...
hmmm..... I will ask Wendy about her programs. She is amazing.
She healed herself from cancer thru a vegan/raw diet & colon hydrotherapy.

!!!


Never doubt the human body.
Never doubt taking away the interuption to health.. and cleaning out.
Never doubt.


___________________________________


Also I find it very curious that a massive
heatwave hit Portland when I started this... :D
So, while everyone is dying from the heat, in
the hundreds now, I find it moderately rejuvenating :)
It doesn't seem to cripple me, like it seems to everyone else...
hmm....

My bodies just saying "finally, summer!!" haha
Though hopefully the rain will start again in Sept.,
I can see how I would miss it.
But I miss thunderstorms more :(

There have only been TWO this year...
The first one, was majestic thunder and lighting,
and I was running on the track that night.
In it.. fucking brilliant. Energy. My god.
I felt SO connected to the earth/universe/nature,
I've never felt a rush like that, ever before in my entire life...



And the second one I was shooting photos for a photoshoot,
outside. :D



*regeneration update*
Old scars almost completely gone!!
This is insane...
How fast it's happening... wow.





~~



Question of the day:

Can we, exist without ego?

Do we know what it means to live without ego?

...

15.8.08

Mindless consumption vs. Meaningful consumption

Mindless consumption vs. Meaningful consumption



When we mindlessly consume products,
we take in the energy that was expended, produced,
and released because of that product.
We create the Law of Attraction.

This is where the saying... "Money can't buy you love"
comes in.


So often, we choose to mindlessly consume...
We choose to be mindfully ignorant about our purchases.
Not truly understanding that there is a PERSON affected,
and behind every purchase, or choice, we decide to make.
Existence is interdependent.


.

I choose to deam myself, a 'meaningful consumer',
when I consume that is... I buy over 90% of everything I own,
second-hand.

This has NOTHING to do with price. Absolutely nothing.
It has everything to do with what is RIGHT,
knowing that by not purchasing something new;
I am not feeding into a false illusion of high quality.
It's all really just dirty dirty Chinese tears.
It's pain, it misery. It's gluttony.


Think for yourself, and question why you do EVERYTHING
you do. Buy local, fair-trade and second-hand whenever possible,
because...it matters. It matters what you do.
It is about what we support, WHO we are really supporting.
(because, in the court of law, corporations ARE viewed
as having all the rights of a human being.
Which technically makes them Psycho/Socio paths, running
rampant with money, power, and greed. Fueled by endless hunger.)





This life is not about calling someone a hypocrite.
It's not about fueling your ego, in the sense of thinking that you are
really better than anyone else. Because, you're not.
We are all the same, on so many levels.

To me, when it comes to being hypocritical, it is more about
doing everything you can, to diminish that title.
Acting the best you know how.
Respecting others, and their emotions.
Feeling as deeply as you know how to feel.


We are ALL hypocrites, in some way or another.
But that doesn't mean we need to stop learning, stop growing,
and stop progressing.
Our future really lies in how much we are
able to progress as a species.



We need to learn to act wisely.




~~~~


"Do not mistake fact for personal truth"

- me



Day 15:

Aug. 15th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


Blended cucumbers! Yum!
(they are inseason..so..
that, and I think my brain is secretly manifesting
sexual frustration thru other avenues...hah ;P)



800 ml -
filtered water
5 leaves dino kale
3/4 head green lettuce
2 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 Fuji apple
frozen strawberries
1/2 gigantor banana... again.. and again...




~~~

Thoughts:


Whilst slicing up the apple today... I couldn't help but
ponder the difference between an apple, any apple today..
and one, hundreds of years ago; even thousands of years ago.
Man's "ability" to "manipulate" nature, is.... quite pathetic.
Irresponsibly arrogant.
In the sense...

Apples now are 10 times sweeter than their ancestors,
but nutritionally... near void. (which is why organic/local IS important),
we have to consume nearly 5 apples more
than our grandparents had to.. to get the same amount
of nutrition they received in 1 small apple.

Now, most raw fooders/gurus/whatever, will tell you...
this is why juice is so important.
But, if sugar is sugar, and apples are too sweet.
That juice isn't really the "heal all, be all"
that it claims. You know?

You're getting WAY too much sugar, and hardly proper nutrition.
It's quite perplexing...



I was hypoglycemic before going raw, so I have to watch these things.


It's one reason why I am cautious with too many hybrid fruits.
Hybrid fruits meaning, made by man, manipulated by man/no seeds.
(ie. banana, grapes, seedless watermelon, seedless cucumbers, and now apples..)



Isn't that ironic that the fruits MAN bears to the earth
have no seeds??
They are seedless.

Wow, that says a lot about our future...


...

I've also been contemplating 23 a lot
&
how things transpire when we are inline with nature.
It is the earths axis. 23 degrees.
It is change. revolutionary events. and core shaking momentum.
Think about the events that occured in your life at that age...


Also, I am going to be starting all juice/mainly green juice tomorrow...
What I've been consuming thus far, really isn't all that different
from what I usually consume, just add more whole fruits and salads.
And I can feel my body responding negatively to digestion.

So, tomorrow, on the SECOND eclipse(coincidental? hah)
in a FULL MOON. I will start this.

mmmmmm....I love being inline with the 'cosmos' ,
It's been happening for many years now,
and it makes me vibrate...
I can feel the energy pulsing out of my hands.


~~


A lot of people like to look at synchronicity as
something that happens when they are doing something right...
When things are as they should be.

The level of synchronicity that your life takes when
you go raw vegan is PHENOMENAL.
Never ending, ever increasing.





14.8.08

Day 14:

Aug. 14th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1000 ml. -
filtered water
3 handfuls baby spinach
6 leaves dino kale
1 heaping tsp. Green Vibrance
1 heaping tsp. Spirulina
2 handfuls fresh blueberries
Frozen peaches
Frozen strawberries
1 banana


Cold water with fresh lemon
2-3 liters water

Cucumbers blended up.




~~~

Thoughts:


Wow..I didn't even get food into me until like 7pm today!
Kind of a busy day.


God, sometimes I forget what a 'health bubble' I live in...
Going out into the "real world" can be an immensely
overwhelming experience. Outside of my own health nitches
and networking, it's just amazing to me...
How much people bring themselves down,
have addictions and destroy themselves.


And we wonder why we are in an energy crisis.
And we wonder why heart disease is the number one killer.
(do we remember how to truly love??)


We are in a human energy crisis...
(study tachyon energy and bioplasma)
We are eroding our souls, and not living like we could be...
We are dissolving. The earth will dissolve us.





Dis-ease manifestation within the body has a lot more to do
with your emotions than you may think...
It is the accumulative practices and dirty habits
of decades coming in on you. It is a manifestation of emotion.
Your emotions are killing you.

Kind of weird to think about.. isn't it?


Study Neurology, Psycho-immunology, and Oriental Medicine
and you'll understand this concept far better.
Every organ within the human body is linked to a particular emotion,
dis-ease(or addiction I find..) can manifest within that organ
because of said emotion.

Someone should really do a study on if people who
have smoking addictions experience enormous amounts of grief...
grief/sorrow, is directly connected to the lungs.
Drinking would be linked to the emotions of fear... (the kidneys/bladder)
Notice an increase in alcoholism.. and kidney centers going up... ?

Also, all of the cancer centers. So many of them.
But where are the cures?? Where are the people who really survive?
The truth is, they don't.


What I am doing right now. What I am practicing right now.
Is how I will avoid cancer and all dis-ease in this lifetime.
I have complete faith in this body, and it's ability to love..
no matter what. Your body will always try and be healthy.
Only your body knows how to be a body.


~~~



A LOT of thought going on today. I wrote a lot.
Mostly about society as a whole... and what we need
to do to change things. I think about this stuff, in detail,
along with about 5-100 others things at once... on a regular basis.
I can hold a deep conversation with someone and still have
my brain going like crazy... I am able to focus and catagorize
my thoughts very well though.



Also, watching my mother fall apart(not completely, but slowly);
has been messing with my enemas. My "worry" section in my colon
gets all messed up. hah
....I'm serious.
So, I'm glad I'll be getting a colonic soon... hopefully it will help get
whatever is being stirred in my system out.

Because I don't feel like myself.

13.8.08

Day 13:

Aug. 13th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)




1000 ml. -
filtered water
4 leaves curly kale
3/4 head romaine lettuce(still trying to fit it all...)
3 tsp. Giacomo Greens
small tsp. Manitoba Harvest Hemp oil
1/2 white peach
frozen blackberries
1 banana


2 cucumbers blended with water


800 ml. -
filtered water
4 leaves dino kale
3 big handfuls baby spinach
1 tsp. wheatgrass powder
1/2 white peach
frozen peaches
frozen blackberries
1/2 gigantor banana







~~

Thoughts:


Ugh...I really need to stop with the Hemp oil.
It looked appealing today... nutritionally speaking,
But it knocks me out!! It makes me sooooo sleepy.
My body knows it's not natural.
Damn you intelligent brilliant thing you! hah :)



I was talking with a friend about this the other day.. about,
how after you get to a certain point when raw, you CANNOT
have ANYTHING unnatural(as in, oils are not found in nature),
otherwise your body has a very negative reaction.
You feel a MAJOR slump in energy..
(I know other raw foodists who have experienced this).

You reach a point where...
you no longer get to decide what you can eat.
Your body decides. You have no say.
It's a weird transition... but I feel like I've been in this
tug of war game with my body for the past few years because of it,
granted most of the time, I do eat very simply; but if I
have any gourmet foods, or something TO complex,
I pay the price. I don't feel good.

.


Man... I remember when I first started I could easily
put raw almond butter, and hemp oils into my morning smoothies
and not have it effect me. But I haven't been able to do that in
over 2 years now... I need to eat as simply as possible,
otherwise I pay a heavy price.

So, no more hemp oil. I guess I'll just rely on greens
and some avocado occassionally for my omegas?
I don't know... I feel good so far though, like,
I don't feel like I am lacking anything.



Oh, also, I had a mango smoothie at like 4am...
I don't know what it was,
but a mango sounded incredible; so I went with it. hah


:D




Also, I find that really engaging in SELF-experimentation
like this.. you really start to realize and understand, how much..
everyone has it all backwards.
No one really knows anything about health!
TRUE health.
It's all fiction. Every health book, every doctor, every pill
and advertisement. All made up!
All to sell a product. All to keep you coming back for more...
All to fuel an industry.


I guess no one really wants to admit that... the answer
to your problems, is to stop creating problems.
Is to remove the cause.
Is to take the ropes... and steer your course.
You are the only one that has the power to.
It all lies inside of you. Your ability to do anything.






The Current ~





When you are the catalyst,
The World shifts.



And I am in the beginning/experimental phases,
of testing this influence...


Never doubt a force that is driven with nothing but love.
It is unstoppable.
Our World shifts.


The Creative Core





When you think about past revolutionaries,
past artists thats work was just SO amazing.
So emotional.
You can really start to see.. at least, in my mind,
the connection between processed foods, and the dumbing down
of our creative potentional as a species.
You really start to see how much... eating that way,
makes you something else.

It seems to me, that things were so much more emotional
in the past.. hundreds of years ago, when everyone ate whole foods;
when everyone was connected to nature.
Things are felt deeper when we are connected to nature.




Think about that...
Think about the creative potential of a human being in line,
with natures original design. The original human diet, like every
other species on this planet consumes... raw food!


12.8.08

Day 12:

Aug. 12th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


Cucumbers blended with water :D

Cold water with fresh lemon.


1000 ml. -
filtered water
5 leaves dino kale
3/4's head huge romaine lettuce (I tried to fit the whole thing!)
2 tsp. Green Vibrance
2 tsp. Spirulina
few slices frozen peaches(local, of course)
frozen blackberries
1/2 of an enormous freakin' banana
(what's up with the giant bananas???)




500 ml. Licky Juice -
filtered water
1 apple
bunch of parsley
1/2 cucumber
rest of the romaine lettuce..
lime juice




2 more banana blended up with some water.


2-3 liters water




Thoughts:



I don't really like "following recipes",
I'd rather make something up. Create something.
But.. I have been looking thru juice recipes lately, so
I'm going to start experimenting. I've just been making things up thus far.


I've been preparing lots of delicious food for my mother lately,
haha, she LOVES it. I made an Eggplant,
Tomato and Cauliflower veggie soup yesterday(my own recipe),
and she thought it was AMAZING. :D
haha.. It does smell pretty fucking impeccable.
Even for cooked food.

My mother, use to be, a master in the kitchen..
before processed food came into play.
So, I am glad I can impress her with
my cooking skills ;) Even though I never taste or try any of it. haha!
It's like... "intuitive cooking".


I am horribly domesticated. What can I say.


My ex John, and any other man that I have made food for,
be it raw or cooked; can attest to the fact that;
I'm pretty amazing in the kitchen ;)


Just give me something to make something else with, and I'll do it! :D
I'll create, no matter what you give me, I'll create.



~~~

I am blown away by how nourished I feel.
I have absolutely no desire to eat anything.
I feel satisfied.

Also, I am having no problems not consuming any form of
spicy anything.. which isn't good for the system. Or at least,
when you clean out enough it seems.. spices become an
irritant, not a cleanser.
I might start incorporating ginger and cinnamon, but that's
about it.

All cooked/processed food really is, is spices and texture.
That's it.
Try and eat some cooked food without ANY spices/salt or pepper,
and tell me it doesn't taste like inedible dead crap...




I have...
no salt cravings.
no sugar cravings.
no fat cravings(not even avocado!!).
no cooked food cravings/starch cravings.
no thirst cravings.


I think that is when you can tell if you are properly nourished
or not... no cravings, just peace. :)






~~~

Some of my favorite quotes, as if there aren't thousands...


"A frenzied passion for art is a canker that devours everything else."


"Common sense tells us that the things of the earth exist only a little, and that true reality is only in dreams."


"God is the only being who, in order to reign, doesn't even need to exist."


"Progress, this great heresy of decay."


"This life is a hospital in which each patient is obsessed with the desire to change beds."

~Charles Baudelaire


- - -


"In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act."
-George Orwell


"In a dark time, the eye begins to see" -Roethke

11.8.08

Day 11:

Aug. 11th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


Cold water with fresh lemon.


1000 ml. -
filtered water
1 small head romaine lettuce
1/2 bunch dino kale
1 tsp. wheatgrass powder
1 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
Frozen blackberries
1/2 mango
1 banana
(I only drank half.. because I had no appetite)


2 cucumbers worth of juice


800 ml. -
filtered water
5 dino kale leaves
1/2 head romaine lettuce
2 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
fresh blueberries
frozen blackberries
1 banana







Thoughts:



Finally went grocery shopping!
I'm feeling the "pull" to particular produce more than ever now...
like, parsley, my body wanted it!

hah, I think it's so COOL listening to your body and not your brain.
It's soooo much more satisfying.
On every level imagineable, in every avenue of life.
Listen to your BODY.
Listen to your instincts. Listen to your intuition.


My heart has been warming out of my body today.. it's kind of weird.
It's almost like I can feel an organ respond to an emotion?
That is sort of how I see it. I feel the energy shift.
I'm very sensitive to it.

Also been feeling my heartbeat out of my stomach when I give myself
enemas. I feel like my body is just one big emotional circuit right now.
All connected. The second day of this.. I swear I felt every single
vein in my body flowing with blood... I could feel it inside of me...
I told my mother this, and her response was:
"Well that's good, because it probably is..."


haha! :)



Anyhow... thru out these past, nearly 5 years raw.. I have really
become SO intune with my body, with my surroundings, with others.
It's amazing the connections you can have.
I can feel everyone's thoughts and energy, at all times;
no one has to speak to me.
It makes me curious as to how deep it can go...


I am amazed sometimes. I feel my body digest.
I can feel food in my system.
I can feel it in my small intestine, I can feel carbonic acid
in my system, I can feel what emotions are attached to
areas of my colon. I know the difference between the feeling of..
food, impacted waste, and gas in my colon...


Pretty spectacular, these crystals that we call bodies.

















~~~

"Only when we are courageous, are we truly living..."

-me

10.8.08

Day 10:

Aug. 10th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Cold water with fresh lemon.

Cucumber blended with water.


1000 ml. -
filtered water
1 small head romaine lettuce
3 handfuls baby spinach
1 cucumber
2 heaping tsp. Spirulina
1/2 big banana (I'm conserving.hah)
1 scoop avocado
2 handfuls FRESH picked blueberries
Frozen strawberries


~4 cups? "Vata" Ayruvedic organic herbal tea @
The Tao of Tea



2 bananas blended with water.. "pudding" ?






Thoughts:

I definitely feel this effecting me hydrationally...
I don't really "feel" like I need to drink water at ALL.
I still do, out of habit, but... it's weird not having that.

I use to feel dehydrated ALL of the time.
I could drink 5 liters of water in a day, and never
feel hydrated. I guess consuming a lot of starch will do that
to someone. And carbonation.
Hydration is SO much more than just water...
it is based on a mineral and molecular level.


.

Had a fabulous enema last night! :D
Definitely some emotional upheaval released...
that is really what makes colon hydrotherapy SO effective,
your ability to RELAX, your ability to LET GO.
That is what determines your true growth in this world.
How much you let go.

Let go of your Ego.
Let go of assumed or false beliefs.
Let go of limitation!





That is what eating raw food is about, EMOTIONAL RELEASE.
It is the emotional flood gate.
You bring it ALL to the surface. You deal with it..
this can take anywhere from 2-7 years, in the transitional phase.
Because it always goes.. once you think you're "clean",
something else is stirred, and you realize you are not
as clean as you thought. This can happen for years.
It still happens to me...

I know I have at least a full 92 days of juice feasting,
and I'd like to continue doing them.. along with seasonal fasting
(the way nature intended, ever wonder why people tend to
"get sick" around the change of seasons??)
before I'll feel... "me"... , but we'll see after this.


I've been really digging bananas lately,
they are suppose to ease the digestive tract, so that makes sense...



Also, I've already cried three times during this...
Out of love...
Out of gratitude...



I think I might be the youngest person to ever do this?!
:D









...

Also...
Why do most people seem to not mentally and emotionally
progress past middle school??



The best bumper sticker I have ever seen:
"The more you know, the less you need."


~~~

"In this Life.. what truly matters is...
How much did you live
How much did you love
And how much did you learn to LET GO..."

9.8.08

Eating as an Act of Love

Day 9:

Aug. 9th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



500ml -
Cold water with fresh lemon (I've been having this a lot lately..)


1250 ml. -
filtered water
4 leaves red kale
4 leaves dino kale
5 handfuls mesclun/mixed greens
1 heaping tsp. Spirulina
2 heaping tsp. Vitamineral Greens
1/2 white peach
1/2 peach
Frozen strawberries
1 banana


700 ml. - Laughable Juice
(I call it this because of it's experimental nature..hah)

Red cabbage
2 sticks celery
3 handfuls baby spinach
Carrot greens
piece of fennel
5 leaves rainbow chard



I think that was it?
It turned out a very deep green... earthy and VERY good.
Just celery enough.




2 white peaches & 1 banana blended



2 liters water


~~~


Thoughts:


We live in a stinky... stinky, world.
That typically smells of dumpster, at nearly all times.
My sense of smell is overwhelming lately.. I can smell everything.
Is it possible to have a selective sense of smell??
I wonder, because I need to learn.

People smell bad.
Their alcohol consumption is beyond overwhelming...
The air smells awful.
We make the air smell awful...



I really need to start going to clubs where there is no smoking.
(or drinking, ugh)
I'm far too sensitive to it. There was only two people smoking
last night...in a three level club.. and today I can feel it pouring
out of my system. It hits me like a truck.. everytime.
This body does not deserve that. This toxic world.


This body deserves Fresh air. Clean water
(I mean... really clean, not plastic leaching-bottle illusion
of clean) Clean land. The way our Mother Earth made it.
When you eat this way and clean out, you start to really...
really, feel this.

I know of raw foodists that live in the jungle in remote regions
because they can't take the toxicity of anywhere near a city.


Sometimes... when we are so ambitious, especially
within a public medium,
within an industry that is so harsh.. I wonder.

What is more important, our ambition... or our health?
I guess it just comes down to the largest way...
the biggest scale that you can possibly reach, to help others.
And that is what I am beginning to do.




**boob update**
they have officially deflated, well... they are back to normal.
That was so bizarre(this is coming from someone who hasn't
experienced pms etc. in a very very long time)...
I felt like the juice were acting as growth hormones or something! haha




~~~


"Life is shorter than you think, live up to it"

Day 8:

Aug. 8th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1200 ml. -
filtered water
lemon juice
1 bunch spinach
1 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
2 heaping tsp. Vitamineral Greens
1/2 white peach
Frozen boysenberries
4 frozen strawberries
1 banana


2 apples blended with water/lime juice.

3-4 liters water
(a lot of dancing.. and sweating)





Thoughts:


I ended up doing something blended because
I didn't have time to strain something for juice... I shall,
tomorrow though. Tiring day.


Weird sleep... weird everything.
Everything has been busy. Intense and weird.



And, .... I have a pimple!!!
This is the weirdest thing... ever.

I haven't had a single blemish in over 7 years.
My skin is typically flawless(without ANY products,
just coconut facial wash * jojoba oil)...
so, it's really weird "feeling" a pimple. hmm.....

Definitely means my body is unloading some acidic waste.


Also, my boobs feel huge!!
I feel like I'm in Angelina Jolie's body right now...


mmmmm.... hmm, hopefully they'll deflate;
or maybe they aren't as big as they feel...
This is bizarre.

7.8.08

Mother Earth:





"We share our mothers health"

Sometimes I wonder..
what would this world be like, if we all took
care of our mothers? I mean, really... loved them,
nurtured them, showed them what someone
genuinely loving them was like.
Showed them love as a full spectrum emotion,
and not an emotion termed by possession,
or material things, or by something
other than what it truly is... intangible.


What if the solution to global healing,
real awakening... is healing ourselves.
And showing our parents how.

What if that's all it really took.


We are spiritually unfulfilled, we are..
walking voids, in a sense.
What if learning how to truly love our mother,
instead of our ego, is what would endlessly fill our void...

Real love is an action. An expression.
Something that is not of logic or reason,
but something we can feel...
Love, is something we have access
to feel, at any given time. In any given circumstance.


Love is felt naturally, and fluidly,
by the human body.. when it is
in a clean and natural state. It is endless.

And how is that not enough?


...

I believe it is.
I believe we need to learn to love our mothers.

Day 7:

Aug. 7th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Lemon cucumber & lemon water (my favorite!)


1500 ml. - (haha, unintentionally huge.)
filtered water
5 enormous dino kale leaves
4 handfuls mesclun/mixed greens
2 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1 tsp. Manitoba Harvest Hemp Oil (finally...some Omegas!)
Frozen strawberries
Frozen boysenberries
(to note: all frozen berries I use, are local and very expensive..hah)



1 apple blended with water.



2-3 liters water



Thoughts:


You know.. it's become very apparent to me,
why I like being alone so much...
It is because, through out my life..
the presence of other people, has typically,
done nothing but harm me. It has been
an interference. I think from a very very early age..
I knew this world was toxic.
I did originally go vegan, for health reasons.
But I do realize health is a constantly balancing factor...
a full spectrum, made up of many components.


I am finding that the reason I need such
incredible amounts of alone time, sometimes;
is because that's one of the only times I genuinely feel GOOD.
When I genuinely feel ME. Without interference.
I am grateful now.. that I have been strong enough, within myself,
for several years now... that I don't absorb others
as much as I use to.... absorb their energy.
I am able to control it now.



My mother is going thru a lot right now, and I am being
there for her as much as possible.... I am being the strength,
the catalyst, the protector. But it eats me alive sometimes...
the way she medicates herself. And if I even dare to say anything REAL,
if I tell her what the TRUTH is... she freaks out on me.
She acts like a little child when I take her little lollipop away.
UGH!


As long as everyone is apart of the problem, there will always be a problem.
We must pursue genuine solutions.
We must experiment!




Because of recent upheaval of emotions... because I am
absorbing SO much negative right now spending time with her,
but she NEEDS me around her...
I will be kicking it up a notch to JUICE ONLY..possibly for the remainder of the feast...
I believe this will help bring more positive into a negative situation...

I am fighting fire with fire... but my fire remains a stronger, positive force.
I will not start a war inside of this body.


~~~

Also, period gone! almost 2 days, very light flow...obviously.
I love that I am talking about my period to a black void box right now. :P


.



And I was talking to Giacomo earlier today... I feel like I'm "nesting"
I just want to make food for everyone and anyone!
I feel like I just want to 'touch' produce..


__________________________________

All beings, grass and trees, when alive, are soft and bending

When dead they are dry and brittle.

Therefore the hard and unyielding are companions of death,

The soft and yielding are companions of life.

Under heaven nothing is more soft and yielding than water.

Yet for attacking the solid and strong, nothing is better;

It has no equal.

The weak can overcome the strong;

The supple can overcome the stiff.

- Lao Tzu

6.8.08

Day 6: Blood Detox

Aug 6th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)



Cucumber water


1250 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 head red lettuce
7 dino kale leaves(MASSIVE)
1 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
2 heaping tsp. Vitamineral Greens
Frozen blueberries
1 banana




500 ml. -
Green grape juice.
(do NOT advise.. haha, way too much sugar.)



2-3 liters water




Thoughts:


Wow, got my period yesterday. Haven't gotten that in over 2 years.
(a lot of things, physiologically, change when you go raw vegan...).
What is called "normal", is not really... "normal"... ?
I am not longer "use" to getting my period,
so it feels extremely foreign to me....
In ancient Indian practices, say that...
"the blood that comes out during menstruation is dead
blood to the body.."

I believe this. I use to get the worst cramps...
my period use to cripple me. Until I cleaned up my diet ;)
I know that I still ovulate, but I do not bleed out.. typically.
I know it was the beet/beet greens juice I had that triggered it.


I feel this will probably be the 'last' period I'll be getting
for a looong time... Thank god, it's weird... hah

~~~

Also experiencing a lot of emotional detox/irritability today.
I had to cancel plans with several good friends because of it.. :(

~~~

I did massive research on beets, and found they are good for
the liver to detox. Which makes perfect sense, since my "liver section"
in my colon last night was VERY tender during my enema.
It makes me glad to know the human body inside
and out as well as I do...I'm glad I grew up around medical professionals,
and science geeks.
I am also very thankful for my lovely colon hydrotherapists
Alec and Kristin, they are the most beautiful creatures alive.
If you are skeptical about colonics, just MEET a colon hydrotherapist
and you will be a believer ;)


I have studied extensively what emotions are attached to
what sections of the large intestine, and I also have personally
experienced this being a reality. I know my liver still has some
work to do.. when it comes to detoxing all of the meds,
I've taken in my life. It stores everything.
But I feel it is strong... it is swollen now, but not overtaxed. :)


Also, I have some CRAZY physical healing/regeneration going on right now...


I am currently taking care of a friends feline, her name is Maddie,
she's super emotional but only trusts me... She's very sweet,
when she warms up to you. Yesterday she bit me & scratched me
alittle too forcefully while we were "bonding"..
She left four obvious scratches on my lower right forearm, near my wrist, they bled.

Today, the scratches are COMPLETELY GONE. Like... no scars.
*twilight zone music*

I've experienced a lot of things like this occuring since I've been raw vegan..
but...Jesus Christ. Amazing.

5.8.08

Day 5:

Aug 5th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


250 ml. -
Cucumber/lemon water


750 ml. -
filtered water
4 handfuls mesclun/mixed greens
1 tsp. Vitamineral Greens
2 tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 peach
Frozen blueberries
2 bananas


500 ml. of Sexeh Juice -
filtered water
1/2 head of red lettuce
1/2 bunch beet greens
1 small beet (I was craving them..)
1/2 Braeburn apple
1/2 regular sized :/ cucumber



2-3 liter of water



~~~

For the record, I do not currently own a juicer.
Actually, I haven't had one in almost 4 years...
I am making everything with a Cuisin
Art blender & a strainer :D

I kind of like this method... I get to play with the pulp!
And it reminds me of applesauce I use to love as a child.



Thoughts:

Slept well, though no enema.
I will try and keep up with them,
I always sleep the deepest when I clean
out my large intestine.
That's one of the most distinct things
I noticed about getting my first colonic... how deeply I slept.
I'm sure there was subconscious astral projection
that commenced in my dreams.. ;P


Massive Spiritual development today!
Waves and waves of universal vibrations....
I feel it.. I feel it pulsing thru me.
I feel everything and everyone. The good energy,
the bad. Kind of like.. I feel the universal rhythm.



Also... my kitty Nemo has been following me
around like a little puppy, since I started this.
haha, he must dig my energy ;)
He's sleeping on my Juicefeasting Handbook right now..hah

I'll upload photos soon...



~~~


You know, sometimes I don't think people know
or want to admit, that..., YOU have COMPLETE
control over how you feel(or don't feel), AT ALL TIMES.



Coming from someone who use to be
manic depressive/diagnosed & medicated bi-polar.
Living in constant extremes, constant chaos.
Diagnosed PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder,
Depression & Schizophrenia Personality
type (schizoid typical) diagnosis.

Run thru the trial & error process of anti-depressants,
anti-psychotics, anti-seizure, -& every experimental medication-
beta blockers, until very high doses of Lithium
were prescribed. Hospitalizations, etc. etc.
(and no, I do not exaggerate.)


But that is an insane nutshell of what I have experienced ...
I chose to heal MYSELF, I will not "medicate" my problems.

We all need to experience our own personal truths.
I am a true testament as to what proper nutrition
can do for your mind.. your emotions, your spirit.

(I believe)You can heal yourself from anything.



....


___________________________ _______________

Andesuma Applesauce::


Blend even purportions of which ever apples you'd like,
with a little bit of water for creaminess.

Add 1-3 dates for sweetness.
(optional) small pinch of Himalyan Salt/Celtic Sea salt

Top(or blend in) sprinkles of cinnamon!

Eat with a baby spoon.


:)

4.8.08

Day 4:

Aug 4th consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1000 ml. -
filtered water
4 handfuls mesclun/mixed greens
4 leaves dino kale
2 heaping tsp. Spirulina
1/2 small avocado
1/2 mango
Lime juice
Frozen blueberries
1 banana


500 ml. -
Cucumber & Apple juice
(waaaaay too much sugar for me,
ended up getting a massive sugar high,
and I only consumed the juice of 1/2 an apple!)


1000 ml. -
filtered water
7 dino kale leaves
2 handfuls baby spinach
2 heaping tsp. Vitamineral Greens
2 tsp. bee pollen
1/2 mango
Frozen raspberries
Frozen blueberries
1 banana



~~~~~




Thoughts:

Ok, slept deeply but not long AT ALL. And I wouldn't say I felt rested.
Too much thought energy going on, a lot of weird feelings & energy ingeneral.

I feel so lucid right now.. I feel like I am
absorbing my surroundings, with or without
my knowledge. I can feel layers
upon layers of electric pulses around me, probably
from all of the radiowaves and EMF's in our
environment, I am assuming...
I guess this is why a lot of people go to the tropics
or near the equator to do Juice Feasts.
Cities are definitely better for blended foods.

I wonder when I'll be "too clean" to live
in the United States in general??
I'm already "too clean" to stay on the east coast
for a prolonged period of time,
The pollution is overwhelming to my body.
I guess that is the biggest struggle with being
raw vegan... maintaining that balance,
of not having your environment harm you.
I wonder when I'll just forget about "civilization" all together..
because the cleaner I get, the more being healthy
and happy become my priorities.



A lot of bizarre dreams.


...

My skin looks fucking incredible.
FEELS incredible. It was insanely soft before,
but now... wow....
I've never felt anything so soft in my life...
I can't stop touching myself!! haha ;)



~~~

Within the next week I'm going to focus more on
juice consumption and only one blended 'meal' per day.
It feels like it's way too much for my system.
I might even do a few days of water fasting...

Also, a naughty bird told me, that I am getting a lovely
Vita-Mix for my birthday!! OMG! Finally.

3.8.08

Day 3:

Aug 3rd consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


1000 ml. -
filtered water
1 entire head of BUTTER lettuce (lick*)
2 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1 tsp. bee pollen
1/2 mango
Frozen marionberries
Frozen blueberries
1 banana


1000+ ml. -
filtered water
3 handfuls baby spinach
5 dino kale leaves
1 heaping tsp. Vitamineral Greens
1 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1 peach
Frozen raspberries
1 banana



Cucumber juice
2 liters water


~~~



Thoughts:

Didn't sleep well at all last night.
I think I need to increase my greens consumption.
Not feeling very good today... emotionally.
Not because of emotional detox on my behalf,
but dealing with others emotional baggage is really
wearing me down.

Who knew someone could have it so ... together?

I do believe why a lot of people are the way they are,
is simply because they are reacting to a toxic environment...
Sometimes self-induced even.

.
.
.


Conversations with my mother earlier today
have left me feeling very hollow.
She seems to be falling apart again......
Her body is entering a state of toxemia, and there is nothing
I can do but give her guidance..and watch her slowly
widdle away. I realize today once she is gone,
I have no one.
I am crying out this "emotional detox" as much as possible.
Because I know it is the healthy thing to do, to feel what I am feeling.


I have no comfort coming from any direction,
and it makes me feel very hollow.
I actually feel kind of lonely...
which is really bizarre for me...
:/




Tomorrow will be better.

I've decided I am going until the Autumn Equinox, so... 50 more days.



:)

2.8.08

Day 2:

Aug 2nd consumption:
(please bare in mind, ALL ingredients are organic)


~500 ml. -
filtered water
blended cucumbers & bee pollen!! :D



1250 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 head of romaine lettuce
4 leaves curly kale
2 heaping tsp. Vitamineral Greens
1 GIGANTIC peach
Frozen blueberries (local! yum)
1 banana


1000 ml. -
filtered water
1/2 bunch rainbow chard
1/2 head green lettuce
1 heaping tsp. Giacomo Greens
1/2 GIGANTOR mango
Frozen marrionberries
1 banana





I am attempting to properly combine my fruits, but I feel as though
when you blend everything it doesn't seem
to upset your system as much.
We'll see when I start adding avocado.


Also I typically have about 2-3 liters of water per day.


~~~



Thoughts:


Skin vibration.
When you already reach the point of your skin... physically, vibrating.
I can feel it. I can feel the energy pulsing out of me...

What's next? What's next?!
:D


I have a feeling...things are going to pick up a notch about every
4 days, for the next 2 weeks. Then I will be a different person,
50 times over. Mmm.... I love change and progression.



And music... jesus, music already feels like I'm completely high.
AMAZING.